


To the Moon and Back for You

by Honey



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, but no death, i have no idea how to use these tags haha, sort of open ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey/pseuds/Honey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times when Liam needs help but doesn't get it, and one time that he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the Moon and Back for You

**Author's Note:**

> My first finished work ever so be nice :') I could maybe write a sequel to this if I ever finish my wip-one shot..

**He doesn’t think about it that much the first time it happens.**  
Liam is running on the treadmill at the hotel’s gym like he always does when they have a little spare time. He’s alone at the gym and he’s been running for about half an hour and he feels like he could go on for hours. He can practically feel himself getting stronger and stronger with each step forward, so he happily raises the speed a couple of digits. And that’s when he feels it. A little nudging pain in his chest, trying to make him slow down. But he ignores it, it doesn’t even hurt, it just feels like there is a small spot of invisible pressure pushing inside of him, and besides, he needs the exercise. So he shrugs it off, and continues to run at the same pace as before.

Soon he can feel his breath becoming irregular, and he gets mad at himself. He can’t seriously be tired after running for a pathetic _fortyfive minutes_. That has never happened before, not even before he began to work out on a regular basis just to keep his body strong enough to sing his lungs out and fool around onstage, show after show, day after day. His body has never failed him before. Sure, he had been so tired up to the point where he almost fainted the second he crashed in his bed, exhausted from the day’s events. Sure, he had been distracted at soundcheck up to the point where he messed up his lines and got told off, but this, this has never happened before. As he continues to run, his lungs start to burn with every breath he takes, and he’s having a hard time to breathe properly. He stumbles off the treadmill, cursing at himself as he falls down at the floor when his knees gives out from the sheer exhaustion of standing up. He shuts his eyes and prays to God that the feeling of nausea will disappear and that nothing bad is happening. He stands up on shaky legs, and lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn’t faint or throws up or something equally as bad.

A good night of sleep will do.

-

**The second time it happens, it isn’t because of that maybe, he’s exhausted.**  
Two days later, the boys find themselves cramped up at a studio, doing a radio interview. The four other boys are blissfully unaware of the vague, thumping, ghostly feeling that hasn’t left Liam’s chest since that _thing_ happened on the treadmill. He hasn’t told them about it because it is nothing to worry about, he had just been too exhausted at the time. And besides, it doesn’t exactly hurt, it is just there as a constant reminder of that Liam has probably gotten a lot weaker over the past few months, and can’t handle running the same distances that he could before. He’s disappointed in himself because of that. He turns his head to face the other boys, and they’re all laughing and giggling, and yeah, maybe he was so deep in thought that he had missed what they thought was so funny. He starts laughing at absolutely nothing, maybe so he doesn’t appear left out in an interview, maybe at himself, for being so stupid to mess up his training schedule. What the hell is the point with that, anyway? Now he just had to start over, build up his strength once again. Very clever.

And then it hits him, again. The vague thumping is gone, but instead, it’s replaced with a much greater pain rushing through his chest, causing all of the air in his lungs to disappear through a loud gasp. He feels himself piercing his thighs with his fingertips in a way that he knows should hurt an awful lot, but it doesn’t, and he panics when he can’t get himself to inhale again. The simple act of breathing, a task that is automatic to almost every human being in the entire world, and he just _can’t_ do it. He’s choking, at absolutely nothing, and there is absolutely no reason at all why either. He feels himself getting dizzy, the studio starts spinning around him and his vision is starting to get blurry at the edges. That’s it. He’s going to die there, choking to death, live on air for the world to witness his last moments in life. And suddenly, when Liam is absolutely sure that he can feel his body going numb, air is streaming down to his lungs again, and it has him spluttering and coughing and noticing that everybody’s staring at him.  
  
”Li, are you okay? You look a bit pale.”  
  
It’s Niall who asks while covering his mic with one of his hands. Niall, who sits on Liam’s left and hadn’t noticed that he was practically choking on _air_ , without it making any sense at all. He is fine, there’s nothing wrong with him, right? But no matter how much Liam wants to tell Niall that, _‘yes, I’m completely fine,’_ he can’t get a single word out as he’s still coughing and just trying to breathe normally at the same time. He tries to nod, but Niall’s having none of it.  
  
”Could we get a break, or a pause or something?”  
  
He sounds genuinely worried, and Liam would’ve been grateful for Niall’s request if it wasn’t for the pure fear he’s feeling. He hears the interviewer announcing that One Direction will be back in ten minutes, and Liam slowly stands up, ignoring the same feeling of nausea he had felt on the treadmill and walks backstage to find someplace to sit down, quickly being followed by Niall.

He just needs to calm down, that’s it. He needs to calm down and stop thinking about what now had happened to him twice, and then everything will be fine. It’s nothing to worry about. It’s probably the flu, if anything.

All he has to do now, is to convince Niall that he is okay and pray to God that he didn’t notice Liam’s almost-suffocation experience.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” Niall slides down beside Liam where he’s sitting at a couch in the dressing room and Liam can’t help but notice how close they’re sitting. Their bodies are practically touching each other’s all the way from their ankles to the top of their shoulders. Thankfully, Liam had stopped coughing, but his throat and lungs still feels sore, so he just settles for a nod while facing Niall.  
  
”Then what the hell happened? It sounded like you were gonna cough your lungs out man.”  
  
”I really don’t know, I mean, there was just something tickling in my throat, you know the feeling? And then, I was just coughing until it almost got hard to breathe. I’ve kinda ruined the interview now, haven’t I?” Fuck, his voice sounds too hoarse to talk at all.  
  
”Yeah I know, and they’re probably waiting for us out there right now, come on.” With that, Niall stands up and holds out his hand for Liam to take. He takes it, and can’t help but smile when the touch sends shivers down his spine.

-

**The third time it happens, he doesn’t get a hint beforehand about what is going on.**  
It had been an absolutely crazy night. The fans had been extremely loud, and the show had been funnier than normal. And afterwards, the five boys are pumped with adrenaline up to the point where not one of them are feeling even the slightest bit tired. And Liam is probably the happiest one of them all. After the disastrous interview the day before, the small thumping in his chest had completely disappeared and for the moment he doesn’t have a single thing to worry about.

They had wanted to go out and celebrate nothing particular, but their security hadn’t let them, so the boys settle on a guys night in at Harry’s and Louis’ hotel room. They share multiple beers over endless games of Fifa and just generally have a good time. Even Liam has a few beers, and he’s laughing along with the others at the stupid jokes and banter that they always share, public or private. It is well past midnight when they part ways, Niall, Zayn and Liam going back to their respective hotel rooms to sleep the buzz off. 

His head shoots up from his pillow a few hours later as his own scream wakes him up. It feels like his chest is on fire, like the fire is _inside of him_ , burning away whatever comes in it’s way. He has trouble breathing, every breath he takes feels like stab at his left lung, and he blindly flails his arms and screams at the top of his lungs to make whatever is causing him so much pain go away. Then, he starts coughing. And if he was in pain before, this is unbearable. He doesn’t even realise that he’s crying as his breath gets stuck in his throat and once again his body is failing him. He can feel himself starting to drift away, his vision just getting blurrier and blurrier, but he won’t just die, won’t he? Surely one of the lads had heard his screams? He is _fine_. He has to be, because the thought of leaving the boys and his family behind is more painful than the pain itself. And just before everything goes black, and before his body becomes numb and falls back against the sheets of his bed, he manages one last thought,

_I love you, Niall._

-

**The fourth time it happens, things gets a lot worse.**  
In the morning, Liam feels slightly exhausted and terrified over the fact that there is actually something wrong with him. You don’t just wake up in the middle of the night to the greatest pain you’ve ever experienced, only to pass out from it seconds later. And the thought scares him more than anything. It turns out that none of the other boys had heard Liam’s screams, since no one comments on it in the morning. It has probably something to do with the alcohol the night before.

The vague thumping in his chest has returned, and it’s making it hard to breathe properly for him. And now, sitting at the breakfast table with the four other boys, the thought of having something passing through his chest - even if it is something normal like food - makes him cringe on the inside and he has to resist the urge to throw up. Because that would be something passing through his chest too, and he can’t have that, not when the tiniest bit of air makes his lungs ache. Somewhere between the time he woke up with a pounding ache in his chest and the time he finds himself positioned at the table with the others happily chatting about their day off, Liam has figured out that whatever is wrong with him has to be pneumonia or something equally as bad. And he can not tell anyone about that, they have just started the American part of their tour for God’s sake. They aren’t even allowed to have a tiny cold because it would screw up so many things. So something as bad as pneumonia will not be appreciated, and Liam still has the faintest bit of hope that it wasn’t that bad.  
  
”Liam, you’re looking a bit pale again.” And there it is again. Of course his bandmates would notice that something is off with him. They know each other like the back of their hands. They are best mates, brothers even and Liam never lies to them, but he just can’t tell them this.  
  
”Yeah, being hungover sucks, I really don’t get it why you guys drink.” He eyes his bowl of cereal suspiciously, as if trying to figure out if it is worth the pain in his chest to still the grumbling in his stomach.  
  
”Aw, little Liam lost his hangover virginity?”  
  
”Shut up Louis.”  
  
”You know, in worst case scenario you throw up.” Niall smirks - he fucking _smirks_ and Liam doesn’t know how to handle that - and nods towards Liam’s bowl. ”But I don’t think that’ll happen, you didn’t drink _that_ much last night.”  
  
Liam sighs and glares at his bowl. His hunger is already overpowering the pain in his chest, and at least he can do something about his stomach. With yet another sigh he takes the smallest amount of food he can without it looking suspicious and swallows it as fast as he can, trying to avoid any pain. It doesn’t work. The pain shoots through his chest and he feels like he has been stabbed right through his heart and into his lungs. He can feel his stomach doubling over and there’s no doubt about it, he’s going to throw up. Liam jerks up from his seat at the table, the movement causing the world spin for a second, and then quickly rushes to the bathroom while the four other boys giggles at Liam’s misery, because apparently a hungover Liam Payne is funny.

It’s after Liam’s last not so pleasant heave into the toilet that it happens again. It’s like someone has just snapped with their fingers and suddenly there is something blocking Liam’s airways. If he hadn’t been crying from the pain before, he certainly is now. Whatever it is that’s happening to him has gotten worse and most importantly, it’s gotten more _frequent_. It hadn’t even been five hours since he had woken up screaming, and now he has even thrown up because of the pain. He knows it has nothing to do with the alcohol he had consumed the night before, and now he can feel his consciousness slipping away again. He doesn’t want to pass out again, what if someone comes looking for him? He knows that one of the boys will look for him if he stays in the bathroom any longer, and he can’t let them know. They would be so disappointed in him, and they would have to cancel so many shows, and that would make their fans upset, and he wouldn’t be able to handle that. So when the bathroom grows darker and darker and Liam knows that he will pass out and that someone will find him like that, hunched over the toilet unconscious, relief floods his veins when the spell over his throat breaks and he’s able to suck in a huge breath, making his body cough in disagreement. He has yet another coughing fit, not so unlike the ones he’s had before, but this time, one major thing has changed. He can taste it before he sees it, and while he coughs into the toilet bowl, afraid that he might throw up again, all that comes out is big lumps of spit and blood.

-

**The last time it happens, he isn’t safely hidden away from concerned eyes.**  
It is somewhere during Louis’ solo in Use Somebody that he starts to feel it. It’s a sudden feeling of complete exhaustion, like something you feel after an intense game of football with your friends or a heavy work out session. But Liam hasn’t done any of that, he’s just singing, something he is used to, and he had never been that tired while doing it, not even after a show. What he doesn’t figure out immediately - since it is Louis’ solo - is that his voice is breaking, and that he’s completely out of breath. So all he can do when the song reaches it’s chorus and Liam’s supposed to join in with the others, is to let out a loud gasp that luckily isn’t caught by the microphone in his hand. The crowd don’t even seem to notice that Liam is only miming his way the chorus, however, his bandmates do. And they’re all throwing him curious and concerned glances when all Liam’s trying to do is to look like his insides aren’t torn to pieces by the intense pain pulsing through his chest. Liam knows that his friends are right to be worried, because he knows that something bad is about to happen when he feels an uncomfortable _something_ crawling its way up his throat. It is unlike anything he had felt before. The previous times it had happen it had been sudden, one second he could breathe and the next he couldn’t. If Liam had had any experience around the subject, he could have said that what he experienced on that stage felt like a snake crawling its way down his throat, making him suffer and choking to death, only reversed, like the snake was trapped in his stomach fighting to find a way out. And Liam is choking, except he doesn’t have a snake in his throat, he doesn’t have anything blocking his airways other than air, and you can’t choke to death on air, that doesn’t make any sense _at all_. 

When Zayn takes his short, high note after Niall’s solo Liam realises that he himself has a solo in this song, a solo that thousands upon thousands of people are expecting him to sing, and that there is no possible way that he can make it through the song without passing out, he can already see that everything around him is getting slightly blurry. It is like that night in his bed, only this time, it’s in front of a crowd. A crowd that will almost certainly go mad if he faints in front of them. It takes a few seconds longer for him to make up his mind than usual, and when he stumbles his way over to Harry he realises that he’s having severe trouble to get his legs to move. His breath comes out in shallow puffs, and Liam knows that as soon as he tries to speak to Harry he will lose the ability to breathe again.

”Y-you... T-take my sol-” is all Liam manages to to choke out before his airways gets completely blocked, and tears starts to form in the corners of his eyes when he finds out that he can’t move. He has to get away from the eyes of the crowd, he knows that he will pass out in mere seconds if the dark spots in his vision is anything to count on. But he can’t get his legs to _fucking move_. And all Harry’s doing is singing the chorus like Liam should be doing, and at the same time staring at Liam with a puzzled look on his face, failing to realise that Liam needs help.

The moment Liam’s pleading eyes meets Harry’s Liam loses complete control over his body. His desperate tries to inhale stops, the dark spots that covers his sight overtakes his vision completely and everything goes black, his knees gives out under the pressure to hold his body up and Liam is unconscious before his body hits the stage.

-

**Liam feels like his body has been hit by a train, the moment he wakes up.**  
He has absolutely no remembrance of why he’s waking up gazing out over an unfamiliar room. The first thought that hits him is _why am I alone?_ and it doesn’t get any better after that. He can feel the slow burn in his lungs when he breathes, and he is painfully aware of the wheezing sound that comes with it. When he gets over the initial shock of not actually remembering why he’s in a hospital, - because it has to be a hospital, with the white painted walls and uncomfortable bed he’s lying in and the weird machines placed around his bed, - the first thing he remembers is the anxious look that Harry had given him, and why is that the last thing he can remember? And then the panic sets in, because he didn’t pass out in front of the crowd, did he? He knows that if he did, the crowd would’ve gone mad, and the media would’ve gone mad and create some story about him covering up some fatal disease, and that is not true because he is _fine_. But he can’t help but think that _of course you’re not, you’re in a fucking hospital, dammit_. That’s when the guilt hits him, because now _they_ know, the four people that he’s been trying to keep out from this, they already have enough to worry about what with the tour and everything that comes with it.

Liam’s jerks when he realises that there’s a heart monitor next to him, and how did he not notice the steady beeps that’s coming from it when he first woke up? He’s sure that he’s been up for at least ten minutes now, and he finds it a bit strange that he’s still alone in the room. The sun is shining through the window, so if the boys aren’t there then surely the doctor is. He has almost successfully calmed himself down, but the monotonous beeps of the heart monitor cutting through the dead silence is nearly suffocating, and that is not something he wants to think about right now. He wonders if he should call for someone to check up on him, because the pain in his lungs is certainly not a good thing. 

A few minutes later the the door handle suddenly twitches, and a doctor comes into the room, grasping a clipboard in his hands. The doctor is looking down at it, so he doesn’t notice that Liam is awake, so he awkwardly clears his throat to gain the doctor’s attention. The doctor jumps at the sound, and it almost looks like he had expected to walk in to an empty room.  
  
”Oh, you’re awake, we weren’t expecting you for another couple of hours.” Liam only shrugs at the statement, ”I’ve only been up for fifteen minutes or so.”  
  
”Have someone been here to check on you?”  
  
”Ehm, no?” Liam swears he can hear the doctor cursing under his breath and the thought makes him chuckle.  
  
”Someone should’ve been here... Anyway, I’m Dr. Meyers, do you remember anything that happened yesterday?”  
  
”Ehm, not really no, just the stage and Harry, the lads are okay right?”  
  
”Well, they’re eager to see you, they’ve been waiting for you to wake up. I could send them in now if you’d like, and I’ll come back in a few minutes?” There’s something in his voice, his expression looks plain out sad and it makes Liam thinking that this isn’t just about the fainting and the possible concussion he could have from hitting the stage.

Dr. Meyers is only gone for a little over a minute before the stomping of running feet reaches Liam’s ears, and with the sound comes a huge smile that spreads over his face. The first one to stick his head through the door is Louis, and when the two make eye contact the older one shrieks and practically flings himself at Liam, quickly followed by the three other boys, all fighting for a hug from Liam and somehow all ending up in the bed, crushing the boy in the hospital gown beneath them.  
  
”Lads... Lads I can’t breathe,” Liam manages to choke out through his laughing fit and his bandmates visibly freeze above him, and within a second they’ve all scrambled out of the bed, guilty looks on their features. Liam freezes at that too, since when are they afraid to hug him? He’s almost afraid to ask because Niall looks like he’s about to cry.  
  
”What’s going on?” Liam can see that no one dares to answer, and he’s just about to ask again before Niall speaks up, sniffling while so.  
  
”Dr. Meyers told us that’s why you passed out, from suffocation...” His voice isn’t stronger than a whisper, and the look on Niall’s face makes Liam want to cry, because this is exactly why he didn’t tell them about his ‘attacks’.  
  
”Is that what happened?” This time it’s Louis that speaks up, and when Liam sees that Louis wears the same broken look on his face as Niall, he almost breaks down and cries. He shouldn’t be here, they shouldn’t be here, they all should be at the hotel, just lounging around and enjoying a day off and be _happy_ , and now Liam’s destroyed all that. His voice is only a whisper as he answers.  
  
”I- I don’t remember, but, but I think so.”  
  
The silence that fills the room after that is suffocating. Liam can’t decide which is worse; the cloud of awkwardness that hangs above them, or the fact that they are _never_ awkward around each other, and Liam has never experienced a silence such as this one with the four lads that he calls his brothers and bandmates. And it is all his fault. He sneaks a glance at Niall and immediately regrets it, because the boy that he loves so much is full on crying, silent tears streaming down his face. And that is all it takes for Liam to realise that this is reality. He’s let this spiral out of control, and at the same time brushing it off as nothing to worry about, when it probably is the exact opposite. Because you don’t pass out from pneumonia, and you don’t cough up blood, and you definitely don’t throw up and now he’s in a hospital hooked up to a heart monitor and if that isn’t proof enough that what’s happening to Liam is serious then nothing is. 

The heavy silence - occasionally disturbed by a sniffle coming from Niall’s direction - that’s surrounding the five boys that are at a loss for words is begging Liam to say something, to apologise for letting things go this far, for not telling them about it as soon as he started to feel bad, for lying and saying that he was fine when he really wasn’t. But he can’t say that, because he doesn’t know what is going on with him. So he settles for a small smile directed at Niall, silently communicating through weary and blurry eyes that everything will be okay. Liam just hopes that he isn’t lying this time.

The now extremely awkward but somewhat understandable silence has been present for about seven minutes, and Liam thinks that that is probably the longest he’s been around the boys without anyone talking ever, at least not in the daytime. Liam’s itching with the urge to say something, and his hands are on the border of almost visibly shaking when Dr. Meyers finally comes back in and motions for Liam’s visitors to leave the room. And they do, but not before throwing sad and worried glances back at the boy that they are leaving behind in the hospital bed.

It is when they’re alone once again that Dr. Meyers speaks up.  
  
”So when did this all start?”  
  
”What do you mean?”  
  
”The fainting and stuff similar to that. I can guess that you’ve been having coughing fits.”  
  
And Liam tells him. Liam tells the older doctor about what he thinks was the first time on the treadmill, and about what happened in the interview two days later, and how it all just got worse and worse and happened more and more frequently over the days, Liam even tells him about how he feels about all that’s been happening, because he can’t be sick, not when they are doing the most important tour yet, trying to break through in the US. And what if he is sick, he can’t just leave the boys alone to do the tour themselves without Liam and before he knows he’s crying, because Dr. Meyers isn’t interrupting him to assure him that he isn’t severely sick when Liam talks about it.  
  
”I know you’re probably wondering why you’re still here in this bed, and what I’m about to say is probably not the easiest thing to hear when you are a _singer_ , but your case, it’s a smaller miracle actually. Normally, these symptoms that you’ve been having doesn’t show until you’re far gone into the disease, but in your case, it’s like they started immediately after you got ill.”  
  
Liam feels sick with worry, and he doesn’t understand one word about what Dr. Meyers is saying, and he hasn’t even told Liam what is wrong with him yet. He just wants to know what it is, get rid of it and continue on with his life where this last week will only be a painful memory. And because of that worry, Liam’s voice isn’t stronger than a whisper.  
  
”You never said what it was.” And Dr. Meyers answers in similar fashion, his eyes filled with sadness.  
  
”Cancer Liam, you’ve got cancer. And probably the worst kind that could happen to you, lung cancer.”

And Liam’s world stops.

-

**Liam is staring at the wall opposite him when they return a half hour later.**  
His eyes is slightly red and puffy but his face is completely void of any emotions. It’s in the way Liam’s eyes seems lifeless, like he’s already given up hope of ever being okay again, that the four boys now standing around the hospital bed knows that whatever is wrong with their broken looking best friend is bad. The silence is hanging above them again, but this time for completely different reasons. Liam looks so broken and small, half lying half sitting in his bed, and it seems like any sort of disturbance will break him. It’s only Niall who dares to do something, because Niall will always be there when Liam’s hurting. So Niall takes a tentatively step forward, and motions for Liam to scoot over to make room for another body as he climbs into the bed and settles beside Liam, both of Niall’s arms wrapped around Liam in a comforting embrace. Liam freezes a bit at first, not wanting to get any closer to his friends because he might _die_ soon, but it’s Niall and Liam will always do as Niall wants, so he lets out a deep, shuddering breath, closes his eyes in an attempt to forget what is happening to him and snuggles closer to the warm, loving body that lies beside him. He wishes that he could freeze this moment forever, so that he can stay snuggled up with the boy he loves oh so much, and he hopes that none of the other boys he knows have slumped down in different chairs placed around the room asks what is wrong with him. He doesn’t want to think about that, let alone have to explain to them that he could be _dying_. He doesn’t want to know their reactions.

But a wish doesn’t make reality, and it is not long before Liam can feel Niall starting to move around, scooting higher up so he can reach and whisper in Liam’s ear.  
  
”What’s happening, Liam?” And Liam nearly panics, because no, he can’t tell them, not right now, not ever and it will destroy so much, already has destroyed so much. But at the same time, Niall doesn’t move away, and the slow puffs of his breath that hits Liam’s neck is calming, so the panic attack doesn’t come. Instead, Liam keeps his eyes shut and refuses to answer, refuses to cry.

Liam doesn’t notice, but after a soft glare that clearly says _’leave us alone for a bit’_ from Niall, the three remaining boys slowly make their way out of the room, shutting the door behind them and leaving the responsibility of trying to fix Liam to Niall.  
  
”Liam, they’re gone now, it’s just you and me, and you can tell me what happened, yeah? You don’t have to, but I really wish you would, because you’re not in this alone, you know that right? The lads and I, we’ll always be there for, you whatever happens.” Then, Liam reaches his breaking point, because Niall is so loving and caring and he sounds so sad and Liam hates himself for being the reason to make him feel that way. He doesn’t deserve that, Niall deserves to be happy in every moment for the rest of his life, but he won’t have that, not when knowing that Liam has lung cancer, and that he will probably have to quit the band, if he even survives the operation in the first place. So instead of answering, Liam cries. He cries and he cries and wishes that the cancer will disappear along with the tears streaming down his cheeks, but Niall is right there and he’s pressing small kisses into Liam’s hair and it’s just too much, and his defence breaks.  
  
”They, they say it’s a miracle,” Liam whispers after calming down enough to make the lump in his throat, but not the tears, disappear. ”How can it be a miracle when you’ve got _cancer_?” His voice has dropped to an almost inaudible level, and he’s not sure if Niall even hears him, but then there’s a sharp intake of breath and nothing but silence. Liam can’t explain what happens next. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s been scared out of his mind these last days, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s so in love with Niall that he doesn’t know what it feels like to not be anymore that makes him do it. But he turns his head from where he’s been glaring at the ceiling and looks at Niall and just stares into those normally cheery eyes that doesn’t look so happy anymore. Liam doesn’t know how, but suddenly, his hands are one either side of Niall’s face and his lips are on Niall’s because he just have to know what it feels like before he goes into the surgery that he may not return from. Liam can’t help but mentally laugh at how messy the kiss must look, because he’s crying more than ever before, and he can feel that Niall is crying too, but the kiss is the best thing that’s ever happened to him in a long time, and Niall is kissing back. He’s _kissing him back_ and Liam’s head is spinning with emotions, and he wants to cry even more because if it wasn’t for the _cancer_ , everything would be perfect. But at some point, Liam pulls back, because he’s having a really hard time breathing, and he settles with just looking at Niall instead while panting slightly just to get enough air into his lungs. He has no idea if it’s because of the cancer or the kiss, but he guesses it’s a little bit of both.  
  
Niall’s cheeks are tear streaked but his eyes is at least dry at this point, and his bottom lip is quivering a bit when he asks the dreaded question.  
  
”Please tell me you’re not gonna die?” And Liam looks into his eyes, searching for that spark that always seems to grace Niall’s eyes, but failing, and Liam just hopes that what he says next will bring it back, because he can’t stand that Niall is sad because of him, because of anyone really.  
  
”The doctors say I won’t, they’ve got an operation table ready for me, like right now. But Niall, they’re gonna,” and Liam almost doesn’t say it, because it’s probably the worst fucking thing that could ever happen to him, but he does, and his voice is trembling and not stronger than a whisper, because it _hurts_ to admit it out loud, ”they’re gonna take away a pi- a piece of my lung, it, it’s the only way. And I don’t wanna do the surgery, but I have to, or else I will _die_. And after, I’ll have to stay here for a week, and after _that_ , eight weeks just resting. I’ll ruin the fucking tour and I don’t wanna do the surgery Niall, I don’t want to.” Liam is visibly shaking by now, he’s clutching desperately at Niall’s and he feels like he’s going to be sick.  
  
”Hey hey, Liam, don’t worry about the tour, it’s the least of you problems. Your health is _way_ more important and we’ve already done Australia, right? So we’ll cancel immediately if we have to. As for the operation, it’ll be _fine_ , you’ll come back from that room in a couple of hours and you’ll feel better than ever before, and the cancer will be long gone. I know you can do it.”  
  
”Can, can you tell the others for me? I don’t wanna tell them.”  
  
”Of course I can, I’ll do it.”  
  
”Niall?”  
  
”Hmm?”  
  
”I love you.” And just like that, the spark is back in Niall’s eyes.  
  
”I love you too, Liam.”  
  
And Liam knows that everything will be okay.


End file.
